Authentic Leadership: Being Real has Limits
Authentic Leadership: What It Is (and What It Isn’t)
Authentic leadership tends to come with a lot of misconceptions. Honestly, I had questions about it myself. So I spent time digging into the research to better understand what authentic leadership actually means, and how we can realistically show up as authentic leaders at work.
Two questions kept coming up for me, and I suspect they’re probably questions you’ve had too.
Do I Have to Share Everything to Be Authentic?
The first question is this:
If I’m going to be an authentic leader, does that mean I have to share everything and be vulnerable about everything that’s happening in my life?
Do I need to talk about my dog being sick, challenges in my personal life, or worries I’m carrying about work? And if I don’t share all of that, does that make me fake or inauthentic?
Or… Can I Just Be a Jerk and Call It “Authentic”?
The second question, and the one I hear even more often, is the opposite extreme.
Something like: “Well, I’m just kind of blunt. I can be mean sometimes. That’s just who I am, and I’m being authentic.”
In other words, if I act like a jerk, that’s my authentic self and I shouldn’t have to change.
Not surprisingly, neither of these ideas is supported by the research.
Authentic leadership doesn’t mean over-sharing, and it also doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior. At its core, authentic leadership is about acting with discretion.
Authentic Leadership Starts With Values
First and foremost, authentic leadership means acting in alignment with your values and principles.
And here’s an honest question: when was the last time you really thought about what your values are, as a leader or even as a person?
For many of us, it’s been a while. Taking time to revisit your values can help you better understand how you want to show up, especially in challenging situations.
The Concept of Multiple Selves
Another key idea in authentic leadership is the concept of multiple selves.
You are one person, but you show up in different roles throughout your life.
For example:
You might be a leader at work
A parent at home
A friend when you’re out with people you care about
In each of these roles, you probably act a little differently.
At work, maybe you’re focused, responsible, and driven.
At home, you might be nurturing, caring, and supportive.
With friends, maybe you’re silly, relaxed, and playful.
All of these versions are still you. They’re just different expressions of the same person in different contexts.
The key point here is this: your values stay consistent, but how you express them adapts to the situation.
Authenticity Doesn’t Mean Emotional Dumping
Let’s go back to that concern about not sharing everything.
Maybe you’re nervous about something at work.
Or maybe you’re dealing with challenges at home that are affecting how you show up professionally.
You don’t want to pretend everything is fine if it isn’t. Showing up with false optimism or fake confidence isn’t authenticity.
At the same time, leaders have to understand the impact they have on their teams.
Emotions Are Contagious
One of the most important things to recognize is that emotions are contagious.
If you bring anxiety into the workplace, your team will pick up on it and it will ripple through the group. That doesn’t mean leaders should suppress emotions or act like robots. We’re human. Emotions will show up at work, and that’s okay.
But as leaders, we do have a responsibility to understand our emotions and regulate them when appropriate.
If you naturally lean toward transparency, it can help to reframe authenticity like this:
Being authentic does not mean full emotional disclosure.
Sharing everything can unintentionally create anxiety for your team.
On the other end of the spectrum, when leaders say things like, “I’m just being real,” and unload their frustrations or fears, it can shift the emotional burden onto the team. That ignores the power dynamic that exists in leadership roles.
Not every feeling needs a microphone.
So How Do You Show Up as an Authentic Leader?
This is the real question.
It starts with understanding your values. That’s the foundation. But the next step is emotional awareness.
Ask yourself:
What am I feeling?
Why am I feeling this?
Pause. Take a breath. Step back.
You’re not suppressing your emotions or pretending they don’t exist. You’re acknowledging them, and then filtering them through your values.
From there, you can ask: How should I regulate my emotions to respond appropriately in this situation?
A Real-World Example: Leading Through Change
Let’s say there’s a change being mandated from the top, and you don’t agree with it.
You’re frustrated. Maybe even cynical. You see the problems coming. But the decision has been made, and it needs to move forward.
All of those feelings are valid.
The question becomes: based on this situation, and based on how I want to show up as a leader, how do I bring this to my team?
Instead of venting, you might say something like:
“There are changes happening. Yes, there will be challenges. There will be an impact, and it won’t be easy. My role as a leader is to help us navigate this change as best as possible.”
That approach acknowledges reality while also providing a path forward, rather than dumping your emotions on the team.
Bringing It All Together
To wrap this up:
Authentic leaders have multiple selves and adapt to different contexts
Leaders have a responsibility to regulate their emotions and understand their impact
Authentic leadership is rooted in acting from values and principles
This is deeply personal work. It depends on your values, your team, and the situation you’re in. There’s no rulebook for being an authentic leader.
Leadership is emotional. It’s hard. And none of us are perfect, so give yourself some compassion and grace.
One Question to Guide You
When you’re unsure how to show up, ask yourself this:
Which version of me best reflects my values and serves the team right now?
That question can help you find a response that’s both authentic and responsible.
I learned a lot digging into this topic, and I’d love to hear from you. What’s been your experience with authentic leadership? Is there anything you’d add, change, or even disagree with?
Thanks for reading.